Crappy butter

So Allen's family is coming into town today. We are all going to his sister's house for dinner tonight. I am in charge of dessert. I decided on chocolate dipped eclairs. Here is my story:

Just over a month ago, I purchased this butter. I tried making cookies with it. They sank. I was so confused. Again about a week later, I tried baking a different kind of cookies. I used the same butter. They sank. What the heck is up with that butter. It sucks. I forgot about the butter...until today. I made my eclairs. They were in the oven and they looked soooo yummy. They were all puffy and golden brown. I went to check on them again. I opened the door and they had sank. Ahhhh. I looked at the wrapper from the butter that I used....it was the same piece of crap butter. Now my eclairs are flat and are pieces of crap. They do taste yummy, they just look nasty. Dinner is in an hour and a half. I don't know what I am going to do for dessert now. Oh no. What to do....the clock is a tickin'....